tumbling after You

Á Dieu.

In a few hours, I will be boarding a plane bound for Paris, where I will be completing a 10-week internship. I haven’t told too many people, and only when asked, for the personal fear of worshipping the blessing over the Blesser. The acceptance process has taken the entire academic year and longer, and I can say beyond a doubt that God led me all the way. It’s been a difficult, soul-searching journey, one in which I would not even realize the magnitude of His redeeming power at work in until reflecting and discussing with a much wiser friend.

You see, it would have been too easy if Paris had just been handed to me in my lap. Too easy to decide (forget discernment and prayer, the choice would have been a no-brainer). Too easy to mistakenly assign glory to myself (after all, I earned this, right?). Too easy to go for self-satisfaction (like a short vacation from God). 

But our God loves us too much to allow us an easy life, one devoid of challenges and growth. No, He has greater plans for us than we care to believe or want for ourselves most of the time.

So instead of making the decision an easy one, He made it soul-tearingly difficult. Instead of letting me stand in my own pride and self-glorification, He rocked my foundation and brought my face to the ground. Instead of allowing me to continue in worldy pursuit, He tested my motives and exposed my selfishness.

Through the development of circumstances, the exact nature of which I’ll refrain from sharing with all of Tumblr, He completely broke me. But out from the brokenness sprung hope. Seeking His will for my summer. Soliciting prayer from brothers and sisters. Sharing testimonies and conversing about eternal matters with my mom. Crying in the dark with my dad. Praying with expectancy. Powerful experiences of His redeeming power at work, and I haven’t even begun my trip. All of these things would not have been possible, if God had not led me down the difficult path.

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

~ 1 Peter 1:6-7

So here I am now, feeling sad, happy, humbled, hopeful, broken, uplifted, nervous, excited, expectant, and heavy-hearted. Not striding proudly into Europe, but crawling on my hands and knees, begging for His grace to sustain me in this spiritual wasteland. Through a series of divine “coincidences” in the timing of events leading up to this trip, I know that God is asking me to have faith that He will continue to pursue my parents while I am physically away and that He will be with me in this foreign place.

I can see the opportunity for ministry. The Great Commission commands us to go and make disciples of all nations (Matt. 28:19), and God has gathered the nations for me in Paris this summer. Austria, Brazil, Canada, China, Italy, Japan, Korea, Qatar, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, Sweden, Taiwan, Turkey, Venezuela, and USA. Each nation represented by one or two of the total 22 interns in the IIP (International Internship Program). The door has been opened, through which the Word of Truth is now to be proclaimed. The valley of dry bones aches for the breath of the Lord to awaken new life (Eze. 37:6). I only pray that I be faithful to my calling and not let this ministry opportunity pass in idleness and timidity.

Friends, I’m asking that you keep me and my family in your prayers this summer:

• Pray that I may be a responsible ambassador of Christ as though God were making His appeal through me (2 Cor. 5:20) and a workman approved, one who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth (2 Tim. 2:15).
• Pray against the constricting barriers of professionalism and superficiality.
• Pray for spiritual self-discipline in the absence of Christian community.
• Pray for strength against spiritual attacks and worldly temptations.
• Pray for my parents’ salvation.

To Him be the glory. Á Dieu.